Title, etc.

Throughout the past couple weeks, I have daily declared a new blog title. My sister and I constantly discuss our "next story" for blogging purposes. There was the time I walked along a highway to give an assumably homeless man food, the $1.25 movie night with a missing child found by his dancing light-up shoes that created his trail throughout the theatre, or the game of cornhole that left my hamstring sore for days. My adventures have lead to downtown Raleigh where I may have become part of a bridal party in the background of photographs and into the heart of downtown Fuquay-Verena where I watched my sister correct inconsiderate lady. I chased a deer once and recited Eminem with a 30 year old man. Then there was last night, the night my big sister showed me how to break the law.

We started out extremely innocent. An afternoon at the pool with some friends was at the top of our agenda. A few incidents later and the pool was closed for the afternoon. We gave up on our tan and accepted a day of walking downtown, but one thing couldn't be changed. We needed grilled chicken. The grills were locked in with the pool. Not only were signs bolted into the fence informing us of the closed pool, there was literally a chain to prevent entrance. I laughed in the face of the chain.

January 12, 2012

I just found this blog that I never finished. The story ended with a couple broken signs, priceless photos, and grilled chicken. Stumbling across a little piece of North Carolina was exactly what I needed tonight. I miss that sunshine.

100+

Oh my goodness. My dear friends I do apologize. I have completely failed over the past few months to let the endless realm of cyber space see the most secret corners of my life. Whether you be 1 reader or 10, inquiring to know me more or out of sheer boredom, I have so much to tell you! Last time we chatted I wasn't the happiest of souls. Since then I have moved into a few different places, started a new relationship with the same guy and continued to drink fattening drinks from the one and only Starbucks...all over the country.

Quick Christopher update. To put it simply, he makes me happy. We are just shy of 2,000 miles apart for the summer so there hasn't been any dancing in Walgreens or holding hands lately, but I'm holding onto the belief that this can make us stronger. He has tried so hard to communicate with my dreamlike and removed-from-reality soul and I am counting down the days to July 7th when I will pick him up at the airport for a long (but too short) weekend!

Buuuut, I don't want to count to0 quickly, because if I keep my eyes on that road, I'll forget to look around and see what's passing by me now. I registered for my sophomore year as a college student, finished by freshman year, moved back home, road a train by myself for the first time, moved into my duplex for next year, then packed up the car and started my most recent adventure...1,000 mile road trip with dad.

The first story he told was of our floating car. My dad has a strange obsession with the mechanics close to our house. He takes our cars there at the faintest of worry. My bags were packed at the front door and I had already given Gramma goodbye hugs when I got the phone call. Dad was crossing the bridge and on his was to the shop because of a "steering problem" that was too in depth to discuss. I translated this into meaning he didn't understand what the gentleman told him on the phone so I simply frowned and waited by my bags without asking questions. I made fun of his worries later and that's when we started "floating". "Sometimes when you turn corners," he explained, "there is somewhat of a floating sensation". "Oh no!" I exclaimed. "Are we going to grow wings??" He didn't appreciate my sarcasm. My dad, my hero. Thanks to him I can rest assured that my engine will stay safely on the highway and I don't have to worry about floating. Other cars might want to watch out for that though. Newest technology folks, flying cars. At this point I offered to drive, half for our safety, half so I could turn up the music and feel the wind in hair. He surprisingly said I could when I wanted, but I decided a nap would first be necessary. This time I was the one being mocked. Apparently sleeping 10 minutes into an adventure is unacceptable behavior. For the next 2 days I begged to drive, to which I received negative responses. The only times he agreed, he saw my head on my pillow and knew I wouldn't take the responsibility of hurling our Avalon down the interstate in my sleepy state. We had at least a dozen potty breaks, to which I requested 1, explored downtown Louisville (where dad questioned a local in a curious and somewhat oblivious tone about the University of Louisville being located in Louisville), stopped for a sign that read "scenic view", and compared yahoo maps, mapquest directions, and the garmin... none of which were comparable. It was a long, but worthwhile trip as now I get the pleasure of drinking coffee and blogging in a new state. It's a hot one in North Carolina, feels like 100+ and I won't complain for a second. I've been exploring all day and tomorrow will arrive at my second day at MDCC where I am interning for the summer.

I have so many things to look forward to, but I must be careful not to hit fast forward. I have goals this summer, which I look forward to discussing with you next time. I am living with my best friend and her husband and taking every opportunity to be grateful for where I am in this very moment. Well, actually, at this very moment this chair is getting a little uncomfortable. Perhaps it's a sign I should bid you farewell. I would like to leave you with one more thought. My word this summer is "understand(ing)". It is filling my prayers, curiosity, and post-it notes. If I can grasp that word and make it a part of my character, if I can truly understand, I would be a much more pleasant person to many pleasant and not-so-pleasant people.

Goodbye friends, the pleasure has been mine.

Dear You

Tonight I went to hear a speaker and wanted to turn around and walk out as soon as I sat down. The first sentence I heard was "I'm sure some of you have experienced heartache". "Too soon!" I wanted to yell. The speaker said I need to be completely vulnerable and to take a few Tylenol. I've checked half of it off the list, here's the other half.

Dear You,

I want more of my heart back and less of the ache. But, if the ache is what you want me to go through to get to the other side, I will. All of the sources say I should play hard to get, but I can't chance you watching me walk away again. I can't give you that ultimatum of stopping me or losing me. I know all the stories and magazines say I should "be glamorous" and "move on with my life". I tried, but today I couldn't even fake a smile for my boss. So I'm living my life, but I'm asking you to come along. This isn't a cool girl act, but this is honesty. I want you, please want me.

Come Thou Fount

A couple years ago I noticed that during every soccer game I'd find myself subconsciously singing these lyrics in my head. This has carried into other aspects of my life. Without thought, when stress enters, so do these words. In this I will always find comfort.

Come thou fount of every blessing

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace

Streams of mercy never ceasing

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount

I'm fixed upon it

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer,

Here by Thy great help I've come.

And i hope by Thy good pleasure

Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God.

He to rescue me from danger

Interposed His precious blood (precious blood).

Oh that day when freed from sinning

I shall see Thy lovely face.

Clothe it then in blood washed linen

How I'll sing thy sovereign grace.

Come my Lord no longer tarry

Take my ransom soul away.

Send Thine angels now to carry

Me to realms of endless days.

Oh to grace how great a debtor

Daily i'm constraint to be!

Let Thy goodness like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander Lord i feel it

Prone to leave the God I love.

Here's my heart

Oh take and seal it.

Seal it for thy courts above.

Here's my heart

Oh take and seal it

Seal it for thy courts above.

Leap of Faith

A leap of faith..

First you'll lose your breath when you see how far the drop is.

There will be tears, I promise you that.

Don't worry though, the wind will dry those tears and erase every fear.

Your arms will flail, you'll kick your legs. But try to stay still and watch everything speeding by.

You'll see life.

You wanted to stay at the top, looking for the bottom.

But, you took the leap and saw everything in the middle.

Suddenly, you stopped looking for the end.

Yet another list

We all make lists. I'm not the color coordinated, post-it note, perfectly organized type, but I'm just like you because we all make lists. We list homework, goals, grocery necessities, daily tasks, etc. In fact, lists have been a reoccurring theme in my blog. What I don't see, or talk about often is how to stay happy at all times. I'm prepared for a boring day with a kite in my back seat, I have a book bag full of books just in case I have a spare moment. But, sometimes your best friend is busy working, your boyfriend will need "me time" and a date with video games, homework won't sound fun, and winter will prevent the flying of a kite. What then?

1. Sing 2 songs: 1. a song that has notes you can reach and makes your feel good and sassy

2. turn this song all the way up so you can scream it, love it, and not hear how awful you sound. Stay away from screamo though..that's scary

2. Let yourself cry, then look in a mirror and laugh at your slowly contorting face. Ugly cry = supa hott

3. Create a surprise for the person you miss, which is the reason you're sad, but it will be reversed if you make something pretty and happy.

4. "...love life and joyously live each day to it's ultimate good." - I see you Alpha sisters!

5. sit pretzel style in leggings while drinking tea..you'll feel artsy

6. Read likealittle.com and tell yourself you are every single girl mentioned. Everyone loves you!

7. Read Isaiah 40:28-31. Then read it in another language, just for kicks and giggles.

8. Pretend you like "me time" (which I actually despise and don't believe in) and start a journal. It's so fun to look back at the dates of special occasions!

9. highlight absolutely everything in your planner. If you're like my sister, you can have a little "key" at the top of the page specifying what each color represents.

10. Tell yourself you rock, and believe it.

Next time you find yourself reaching for the kleenex to wipe your tears are everything that goes wrong or nothing that goes right, think of this list and pick one thing. I want to hear you giggle again.

11. Blog about being happy...CHECK

Kat

Run Away

Today is one of those days I'd just like to escape. There is nothing bad about it really, but the sky is gloomy and the building of pressure isn't something I want to deal with at the moment. In a way I'm feeling quite successful. It's 1:40 P.M. and I've already been to work, 3 classes, a meeting with my Chem. prof. and did some Chem. reading while eating lunch. Not to mention, I've officially gone a week without crying over pointless/unknown causes. So, it's true, "life is good". I am content. Buuut, today I was in a student union building filled with people and I had my phone by my side. Yet, I sat alone and my texts weren't met with replies. So often I look at look at Chris and tell him we should run away, just leave campus. Of course I'm only kidding, but today that thought doesn't seem so awful. I could be invisible by choice.

But, I do have one happy thought....

There's always tomorrow, or heck, 5 minutes from now. Knowing me, I could be happy as a clam by that point. Actually, scratch that. I WILL BE happy as a clam. Well that's rather exciting, don't ya think?

Better already,

Kat