A Place to Dream

It feels so great to light my candles, get swallowed by the soft glow of lamps, and curl up at my desk. I see blurred outlines in my peripheral, but the clear image in front of me promises to patiently remain a pure white page with one blinking cursor until I decide to fill it with the black letters that are swimming around my mind. For a long time I've wondered why it is that so often when I open my journal or place my fingers on the keyboard I automatically purge feelings about relationships, or truthfully, Chris. For awhile I resented that he filled so many of my recorded memories, but I realized that this sliver of time is when i allow myself to ignore the real world and be true. The real me is a girl that dreams past the stars and the truth is I don't desire reality, because there's always the greatness of what is beyond our realms of comprehension. For awhile Chris was part of my dream. Our future was something that was so close to my finger tips that it made me stand really tall so I could try and reach it. Now, keeping him away forever is a thought that brings the same type of hope. I guess I don't need to apologize for all of this time spent on that single subject. It isn't that I'm caught up in one short breath of time at all, it's that I'm giving myself these few moments to reach for so many more.