I Believe in Santa Claus

I believe...

...in taking chances

...in knowing the definition of "risk" before "practicality"

...it's better to look like a fool instead of allowing another to

...money can be miraculous and evil

...in the power of prayer

...smiles are contagious

...in fairytales (partially because I'm currently living one)

...in every person

...in following those you love through Walmart, across the country, or around the world

...in being inspired

I believe in Santa Claus

Merry (early) Christmas! Watch Miracle on 34th St. and decide what you believe in. Allow yourself to dream.

Kat

Freeman Fiasco

2:14 P.M. here. On a typical day I'd be bobbing my head while fighting sleep in class, but today I'm curled up in a leather chair at my second home, Starbucks. I've run away, temporarily, from the comedies of my home. I've been through such a whirlwind of chaos at school that it doesn't take much wind to blow me over anymore. Yesterday afternoon I crossed the bridge and watched Quincy get closer and closer. I drove through my neighborhood and saw the remnants of orange and brown leaves dance around my car through gusts of warm air. I pulled into my driveway catching the peripheral view of my cat sitting in the neighbors driveway being his usual stubborn self and refusing to accept an indoor pet life. Everything was so predictable and wonderful. What was even greater though was the change I walked into. I was greeted by Gramma's dog and hesitantly petted her, fearing her tinkle that always follows. Gramma was in her new "apartment" and the evening was spent with her referring to home as the same dwelling as I had for years. I don't know why it felt like such a huge change and why this "wind" took my breath away when I first walked in. I thought life would change forever over a little family bonding. I mean honestly, this holds great potential for the future of even this blog. I look forward to documenting the introduction of our cat and Gramma's dog, this year's Christmas card with everyone including Gramma in footy pajamas, hearing bedtimes stories floating up from the basement and seeing the confusion in my dad's face until we realize they're being told to Tina (the dog), and experiencing the first bat/mouse with a new tenant in the house. Life is a collection of stories, and my collection is about to increase in a significant way. In this holiday season, cheers to change!

Create your own story,

Kat

Missing Home

So many things about college are great, but sometimes I just want to be home. I've found I'm really bad about taking my trash out and keeping my shoes in the right place. I've broken hangers and picture frames while trying to clean and loaned out my swiffer for bug attacks before even using it to remove dust. I miss my mom's hugs when I come home after a long day at school and I miss seeing an "A" on the top right hand corner of papers. I love picking my classes, eating with Alphas, experiencing big/little week, and starting to feel like a big kid. But then I remember home where the walls are white and there is sunshine everywhere. I would love to wake up to the annoyingly persistent call of my dad's voice instead of hoping I won't turn my alarm off in my sleep...again. Really, what I miss is getting to lay on my couch and ramble on about all of my complaints to my mom instead of rambling to a computer screen. On the bright side, I get to see my sisters soon:)

Feel at home tonight,

Kat

TruLights

I really shouldn't be posting this right now. It's after 1 A.M. and I've yet to get in bed before 2 in the past couple weeks. It's so worth it though...life has been fun. However, I have discovered a few things about myself, one being that I hate stress. I'm much more of a walk slowly, procrastinate often, laugh lots type of gal. I've also discovered that unlike my sister, when stressed, I eat more instead of less and the small ray of sunshine caused by weighing a few less pounds is not my source of light. I've been learning a lot about other things too. Everyday is a new adventure with the Alphas. It's so crazy to me that people can get so close in such a short amount of time. Makes me wonder how much time I've wasted in the past, when I could have spent it caring enough to truly know someone. I was explaining how amazing the level of trust and acceptance with my girls is to my mom and she said something that has followed me ever since. She just nodded and said, "how the church should be". I never though I'd turn to a sorority to show me how to love my family in Christ, but it has been an unexpected thrill. There are a few more fun facts that I've caught onto. The squirrels really are crazy, but the students are even crazier about them. Leggings are "a staple" (thank you emma) at Truman. The school aspect of school isn't all that fun. With only 24 hours in a day, there is always extra time to be found. Dancing in the back row is the way to go. And lastly, don't find peace in your happiness, find happiness in your peace. I like to call these little tidbits "TruLights" because nothing beats walking along the brick paths at night with only the lights lining the grass to guide me from building to building. And of course the "Tru" comes from TRUman.

Sweet dreams my friends,

Kat

Answered Prayers

The past few weeks have been crazy. Between all of my classes, attempts at "getting involved", the hope of a guy and the disappointment of another, and the late night chats on the porch swing, I have been constantly on the go. But, daily I've tried to remind myself to make all things answered prayers. I know God answers all, but I also know that personally, I forget to tell God a lot, forget to let him show me his will through the daily details of my life. But when I do ask God for the simple things like having someone to go to lunch with or helping me not freak out (in general), I know everything that follows is a list of answered prayers. There's always a peace about knowing I'm in God's palm instead of trying to fit into my own. My roommate, friends up and down the hall, and even across campus in Grim have all been, although I just met them a few weeks ago, the topic of my prayers for months...now all answered in such a great way. That disappoint caused by just one guy, answered prayer. Getting involved, it's the middle of rush week, but that too will soon be answered prayer. I don't always get what I ask for, but that's the roller-coaster of life (and sometimes my emotions)...and that's o.k.

"I'm a big kid now!"

Okay get in your comfy position. Cross your legs, put on a sweatshirt, some fuzzy socks, throw your hair up in a bun. Now, imagine this with me. Ya know those kids that were "potty trained" just a little too soon? Those princess/power ranger panties were rewarded, but after one night you wish you stuck with the winnie the pooh pull-up. Now apply that situation to my first real week of college. Let's start with Monday. After hours of preparation all weekend, I completed one class' assignments. I dabbled in the other two, but spanish, my first class of the day...complete. Then I showed up to class. I completed the wrong assignment. Fail. After calling and having a good little chuckle with my dear sister, I walked with my head held high to history, then world religions. There are these two girls, they know everything. If it happened, which makes it history, they know it. Yet they're in my class, stealing allll my thunder. All I wanted to do was comment on the effects of Mesopotamian culture or perhaps the beginning of agriculture, which I conveniently highlighted pink when taking prior notes in an effort to quickly recognize and know all answers. But no, I was the silent one because every time I opened my mouth, a voice that did not sound like my own rambled off paragraphs much longer than answers I'd prepared. Someone else just had to be the teacher's pet. Not to worry, world religions still seemed promising, because this time I had the right folder (I may have been unprepared for the first day of class. may have happened). This time as I proudly opened the folder (sitting within the "T" of knowledge might I add. Front and center.), half a cookie appeared. Not conveniently in one piece; nope, all crumpled. A few big chunks, some straggling crumbs rolling down the slant of the desk and onto my lap/floor/keyboard. Remember I'm in The "T" of knowledge, there's no hiding the remnants of my lunch. I wouldn't have even had a cookie for lunch if I had remembered to print a few study guides off the night before and had time to eat lunch before class! I scream freshman. No, you can't hear it, I never actually speak it, but when I walk out of the bathroom with water all down my shirt/pants because I've yet to figure out the water pressure, when I e-mail professors because I can't find an assignment and tell them i'm in the 2:30 class instead of the 1:30 class i'm actually in, and when I carry my very large lime green laundry bag (so cute!) across campus to do my first load of laundry with my one best friend out of the 6,000 students here, I scream freshman. I'm like a toddler. The days at this university are my princess panties. I kinda miss winnie the pooh.

College Day 1

Between the hugs, the laughs, the numerous power strips/extension chords, fans set on high, and many attempts at lint rolling the carpet, it was hard to focus on the reality of yesterday. It was a fun day that ended with my dad coming back into my room for the 3rd time for a hug and my sister jumping up and down waving quite dramatically as all 6 of my movers walked down the hallway. Well, I guess that's not exactly where the day ended, but where life's predictable routine did. I dried my tears as the rest of my hall stared at me (we had to gather for a meeting), took a deep breath (so not to trigger the asthmatic symptoms :) ) and accepted my new reality. College.

Tragus or Tat

I did it. I had my tragus pierced. Sounds totally creepy and inappropriate right? Let me back up; all of my life I've become numb to saying no. It was such a second nature response everyday and every night. no, i will not drink that, no i will not smoke that, ew, no i will not do that. But of course I became 18 and here I was, piercing free, tattoo free, and boring. Senior trip came along and my girls decided to pierce their bellybuttons. For so many reasons, that was not a good choice for a girl like me. Fast forward, I stood there watching and screaming as karli gripped the arms of the chair and stevee winced in immense pain. But then came the peer pressure, not only from my best friends and sister, but also the employees of the store. I got a small discount and thought ah why not pierce the cartilage thingy sticking out of my right ear (who does that??). For some reason I did not process that a man would be using his strength to stick a needle through the thickest part of my ear. There he stood, tall, muscly, tatted up, gaged ears, smiling. As the cracking exploded like the fireworks finale on the 4th of july inside my once hole free ear, I started to realized what I just committed to. The cute girl with a tree tattooed up her back and everything visible (and prolly more) pierced promised the pain wasn't bad. She lied. The employees came from the front of the store because apparently we all screamed, I don't recall. The blood, which I also didn't consider being part of the equation, dripped. I have vowed to never have children because of the pain I went through that day. Now I only wear one earbud in my left ear while the other hangs down over my shoulder. And no, it's not b/c I'm trying to be a wangsta. I let a man stick a needle through me ear. I saw the large needle with a cork on the end when I accidentally looked in a mirror, and am painfully reminded of the sharp earring it was replaced with daily.

Oh and it would be totally cool if you kept this on the DL...Bruce hasn't found the sparkling diamond yet.

Senior Trip

I’m driving home from St. Louis after taking care of business in the RDU airport with Karoline like it was our j.o.b., after spending an amazing week in North Carolina. I would love to be able to paint a picture for you about everything we did, everyone we saw, and every word that was said. Everything became an adventure; finding a non-existent parking spot at the beach (karli suggested we find a bank nearby to park at...we couldn’t find any banks), negotiating henna tattoos down to 3 for the price of one (if we threw in stevee’s #), witnessing stevee get 2 other #s (which resulted in fb stalking hundreds of guys trying to track one down), watching our personal lifeguard almost drown daily before using rescue techniques on herself, watching tv in a hotel room with all 3 girls by my side under one big blanket, and “love(ing) the way you lie” with our newest music video. At one point karli tried to call a remote control, we captured stevee’s priceless facial expressions while going through pain from something i can’t currently disclose to you, liz ran around impersonating a pigeon w/o realizing the camera lens facing her way was in fact recording, and I embarrassed myself time and time again while trying to mentally document our memories so I’d be able to record them to last forever. And then there was Jake. He is the Harry Potter, Twilight mocker, Inception fan, all around best man, and we all had a blast being in his presence. This trip which was our hello to North Carolina, became our goodbye to each other. Too quickly time with my brother-in-law, niece pup, and sister is reaching the point of holiday occasions. I’m going to college, trying to grow up, and while liz will be back to move me in, I reluctantly said bye to the other two. As far as my girls go, this was our last outing. We’re not quite at goodbye, but our late nights turning into early mornings and eating snacks for every meal including snack times b/c calories can’t touch us...those days are gone. It was a good way to go out.

But don’t worry girls, if we managed to fb chat it up while in the same apartment, i’m sure we can handle sharing some late night snacks and early morning talks with just a few states between us.

sinful sugar

Today the sky is particularly happy and sunny, but I've been a bit blue. Girls, a little feel good 101: make up is our best friend. I applied my clinique "super fit" foundation, mary kay bronzing stick, and mineral eye shadow (honey spice to keep a naturally glowing theme). Even then, no giddy girl came shining through the rose blush. No worries, I would embark on my daily study of Paul and not only complete the last few verses from the previous day's Bible study, but do today's as well. I mean come on, God, the answer to questions that have yet to be been asked. I looked at my reading guide and today I was to read about the struggles of sin, not exactly uplifting. Like a good girl I wrote my prayer and read my scripture, but still felt the need to wiggle and jiggle (not in front of a mirror. jiggling in front of mirrors must be prevented at all times). Solution? A drive. First came the fries. my body said "whaaat? what is this? partayyyy!". I also upgraded, medium fry! woot to the woot. This will sadly contribute to the unwanted mirror jiggling. None the less, happy was coming. I was listening to a song that said, "I can see the light before the end of the tunnel" and it came to me...fountain soda. Sugar, all i needed. I grabbed my mountain dew and smiled all the way home. My justification for finding more happiness in my soda than in the teachings of Paul in Romans 7? God definitely put that song on the radio which lead me to buy such goodness that sends fake feel good signals to my mind and soul. Thank you Creator of the universe.

My stalker dad

So yesterday I reminded my dad that I'm leaving for college next month. I explained how I'd be spreading my wings and flying somewhere without a map for return. Of course, this was an exaggeration, but at the time I think I wanted him to get something for me and honestly college is my strategy for keeping him tied around my finger. I know, so wrong. But, it all back fired in my face. He won't stop following me! I go to Old Navy, he follows. I go to the post office, he follows. I go to the kitchen, he's right behind my every step. I know this should all be endearing, but then there are expectations. I'm his only little girl, and in return I think he expects to be the only individual I care to see, ever. Sure, he's the only man in my life, but when the sun goes down, so does daddy-daughter time. But even as I walk to my car waving good-bye, he follows. He opens the door and is standing right beside me, checking for strangers in the back of my car, listening for the clicking of locked doors, and walking my reversing car down the driveway. Never remind your father that you're leaving, but if you do, show him a map promising your return.

Want to be my friend?

I'm in dire need of a friend. Well, maybe a man. Yup, that would solve all of my problems. Someone to buy me chocolates that I have no use for except to save for an inevitable later date when i will use them to drown my sorrows. Yes, I need a man. Friends, those are great, but they get boyfriends. And then suddenly times like the 4th of July become nothing but an excuse for laying on a blanket amidst a dark night. Where am I in all of this? Eating the chocolates from last year. I should prolly put a small disclaimer on all of this. You don't need to call my parents out of concern. I'm actually writing this with a smile. A bitter smile? haha perhaps. None the less, a smile. Strangely, I'm perfectly content being single and having my mom as a friend. I'm actually pretty pumped about all of this. I get to do something my friends don't. I get to watch fireworks; forget the blanket, my eyes will be on the sky.

First stop

We just sat down at a bakery beside our terminal. Mom and Dad just left to do who knows what. I love the feeling of freedom, even if it didn’t even last the duration of two sentences. He’s back. We’re about to embark on a Freeman adventure. We have bruce who completely practical. We have Lu who just came back from the bathroom giggling “watch the faucet, it splatters”. Have you ever seen those shows with the long lines, or maybe you’ve been to an amusement park like this; there are cones and lines prearranged that loop-d-loop forever. Well this loop-d-loop wasn’t half full and ppl. were skippng to the front. But not my mother. She’s the one that loop-d-looped from the start, alllllll the way to the front, while the gentlemanly businessmen waited and smiled for her to pass, before skipping to the front. Quick reminder of Bruce, he’s the one that didn’t laugh due to his high levels of focus on trying to figure out if we were in the right place. And then we have me. I’m just “that girl” who is pretending to be on the internet, but is just typing on a regular page that I’ll later post on my blog b/c i can’t figure out how to get on the internet. Now, we aren’t hicks. To prove that Mom is carrying a stylish beach hat...because it looks “vacationy”. First stop...complete.

A Whole New World

It’s official. I’m one of them. I got my mac yesterday, which means I now also have an iPod touch, seeing that a free iPod is part of the current promotion. Technology and I have never been bff (that’s a title only very few can hold). My mom set up the laptop and a friend put music on my iPod. I’ll tell you a secret...I’m a little ashamed at my inabilities, but let’s just keep that between us. None the less, here I sit, in my long hippie skirt, Coldplay turned on loud, and typing away on this shiny object with a glowing apple. I’m home alone right now and totally feel like holding a conversation. Nothing too deep, perhaps just exchange a few jokes or discuss the highly disappointing weather that has prevented me from laying out and getting perfectly bronzed shoulders and cheeks. I’d chat with my local companions, but my fingers are tired of texting because I haven’t had the perfectly shaped long fingernails needed to type the correct letter on my palm ever since the keypad decided to fall off. It appears that a new phone has been put on hold once again, seeing that within the last week alone, I have become dear friends with our FedEx guy who now knows me as “### somethingsomething street”. Please understand that my address substitutions have nothing to do with my lack of trust in you, but rather my cautious behavior towards the unknown world of internet users. Ahh how I wish I could be discovered by the unknown (only the safe non-creepy unknown) and become known. BACK TO MAC! Maybe now I won’t feel so left behind when I go to college and am surrounded by Mac labs for the 4 years of my Communications major. Just maybe I’ll now be able to sit down and write an article for the magazine!

Thanks for letting me ramble. Learn something new today, let the unknown become known. You should probably listen to Yellow by Coldplay while you search for that something/someone special. Safe travels!

Becoming Anne

So I’m sitting at the river. I know, totally not safe for a young girl...hopefully Mom isn’t reading (if you are I have my keys by my side ready for attack if anyone approaches). Tonight I can breathe. I’m totally in “Anne of Green Gables” mode, feeling the breeze come off the river and listening to faint sounds of crickets in the bushes. I couldn’t even make it through that sentence without laughing at myself, audibly. This little town isn’t so bad. Sure, we got excited when Best Buy came to town and yes, parking lots are still hot spots for hanging out. But it’s quaint. And it holds within it kindred spirits. Anne would approve.:)

how bright is your light?

Tonight I attended my new Bible study for the first time. I have been helping lead a Bible study for Jr. High girls, but decided that I wanted to further my accountability personally. This is what brought me to a group of individuals that congregated in a circle in the middle of a building. It was after hours and all lights were out except for our area. Among us sat a wide range of personalities, interests, and backgrounds, but we all had one similarity. We love Jesus. Our goal is simply to live like Jesus. I don't think I said anything tonight, but I listened. I've been discovering the beauty of hearing with silent lips. I have nothing more important to say than the words of those around me. Their doctrine was pure. Tonight I wanted to learn. I heard a quote from a guy that I have had a class with everyday for the past few years and talked to only a handful of times. He quoted a classmate in saying, "don't shine your light so bright that it blinds". As a church we often have an unwilling heart to relate to those around us. We force ourselves into a world that doesn't desire our change. Our goal should be to literally illuminate something unmistakable and irreplaceable...something people want. Give them a chance to see this light before blinding them. Shine because it's natural...Jesus did. Love because it's natural...Jesus did. Put yourself in a place to be able to relate...Jesus did. Listen and understand...Jesus did.

a binder, poster, dust pan, and duck tape

It all began at 12:19 A.M. Hearing the swoosh of wings against the still air, my eyes immediately opened and shot towards the ceiling. The shadow of a figure dashed before me and my immediate reaction resembled action i'd practiced many times in middle school during tornado drills. Without thought I ducked and covered as "DADDDYYY" echoed through rooms. Over a year in the new house and we have encountered our first...bat. Of course Dad sprang into action which gave me enough courage to get up and dart to my mother's side. Somehow my room became the prime location for trapping the unwanted mammal. I think Father secretly hoped Willie Mac (the family tabby) would take care of business since he happened to be shut in the room as well. But our loving cat seemed just as dismayed as my moaning mother. Allow me to back up; Dad's game plan was to kill the bat, Mom's game plan for life is to give every single living creature the right to life. This is where the whimpering began from Momma Lu; she didn't want the disgusting black thing to get hurt. So as I took her side we began yelling/crying out to Dad not to hurt it.

12:45

Dad instructed us to be quiet so we didn't wake the neighbors; apparently windows were open. Oops. We'll just sayyyy he couragously and silently entered my room and with heroic strides captured the bat. Somewhere in between all of this Bond-like action Mom fetched him a binder, poster, and duck tape (the dust pan was brought in at the beginning of the mission).

1:00

I was put on door duty. Swift as a bat (pun intended), Dad carried the taped up contraption down the stairs and out the door...and down the block. There was no telling where he was going to stop. Leaning our heads further and further out the front door, I practically fell onto the porch trying to watch my Dad take an early morning stroll with Wilbur (once his life was spared I felt it safe to name him). As the two parted ways Mom simply smiled and said..."Now watch him run". And run he did, becoming one with the motions of poor Wilbur the night first flew into our home.

1:30

The giggling slowed, I became less scared of my room, and to sleep I did return.

the end

sweet dreams my friends,

Kat

Daddy Up-Do

As you can see to your left, my father tried to do my hair tonight. Due to 50% boredom and 50% curiosity I sat down by Dad on the couch and begged him to put down his coffee and braid my hair. After a couple tries and a question or two, here is the outcome. Tonight I stayed home with the parental units. We made a delicious dinner, drank coffee, discussed how unfortunate it is that the Islams are taking over the world, and are soon to bring to night to an end by watching the local news. My question to you, is this normal? An 18-year-old girl sitting at home all night in sweats with no make-up...by choice? To my defense, I didn't finish all of my (black) coffee, I dazed out a little during the Islamic discussion and had to ask some questions to catch me up at the end, and I'm watching the news out of guilt to be the "perfect daughter". Advice to readers...when all else fails, make it a spa night; ask for a daddy up-do.

I hope your weekend has been worry-free (make-up free) and full of smiles.

Until tomorrow,

Kat

Sister

On this beautiful sunny day I refuse to be sad! My big sister is moving in 4 short days and believe me I could write pages of mushy stuff explaining how my world will come to an utterly pathetic end on Friday. HOWEVER, again, I refuse. Instead I will reflect on what my crazily fun 26-year-old sis has taught me over the years.

1. an organized list = an organized life (hence the reason I'm using this format)

2. never get a dog larger than you...unless you have an excessive amount of love, patience, and strength.

3. there are no dumb questions.

4. everything needs a little volume..including hair AND body.

5. plan ahead, but smile at the unexpected.

6. take chances, be adventurous.

7. almost always add caramel macchiato creamer.

8. "never hover in heels"

9. set goals... then reach them

10. love to the moon and back

She will be missed, but life is about removing the filters, exceeding expectations, and stepping out on a limb, hoping it doesn't break... knowing that if it does you have someone to catch you before you fall. Good luck sister!

Love,

Kat

tearful treasures

Perhaps I shouldn't have worn mascara today. The highlights of my day seemed to be equally shared with laughter and a quivering lower lip. First, I picked out my prom dress. Now, this has been quite an exciting and difficult event! However, I may have teared up a little when I picked the dress that my best friend said "doesn't do anything for me" (when referring to my appearance). After looking at the clock I realized I didn't have time to wash my two black eyes, created by smeared make up, because I was late for practice. After loyally listening to my somewhat cheesy God music, hoping for a bit of inspiration, and spending 30 minutes driving around town trying to find keys and my soccer uniform, I made it to practice. I endured the trainers queries about my "tired" appearance, but then I was on the soccer field. I will admit I almost encountered a moment of weakness when a girl younger than I bluntly explained everything I was doing wrong, in the middle of our scrimmage. But, I remembered I had played more minutes than her and could therefore smile...then kick the ball at her...really hard. To end my night, well, my sister picked up where I left off. She broke down about her quickly approaching move, to which my dad exclaimed from across the room, "someone hug her". It has been a roller coaster of a day, but the tears are gone and now the treasures remain.

1. I have found a prom dress I like (I think) and get to attend my senior prom with all of my best friends.

2. My first soccer game is less than 2 days away. Scrimmages are over and a winning season is about to take off.

3. I have an endless amount of sunny, warm, adventurous vacations with no fee living quarters. ahh the countless beach/mountain hours I anxiously await.

My life, full of treasures! But first I must go protect my dear sister from the bogey (spelling?) man so she can safely make her way to North Carolina in the next week.

Safe journeys to you and your loved ones in the days to come:)

thanks for reading friend,

Kat

Guess What?!

I get to go to college with one of my closest friends. does life get much better? don't think so!

Satisfied with Settling in

Tonight I had a plan. In as many words as it took I was going to describe in great detail my excitement about going to college next year. Not just any college, but Truman! But, I can't write about that tonight. As much as I'm ready to get out of this town and find new adventures, this week I've rediscovered the importance of family. It sounds cliché, but I'm in this small town, with my small family, and for now there is nowhere else I'd rather be. My grandpa died Tuesday night. It was unexpected...I thought he was the healthy one in my family. I've never watched anyone die before. When the medicine stopped being administered we were told that it would only be seconds before he passed...but my grandpa fought for 45 minutes. Watching his gaze fixed on every family member, I knew what kept him fighting. After flat lining multiple times, he came back with a deep breath if even a hand was laid on him. He held on for his family. He waited for everyone to come and say goodbye.

Maybe tomorrow I can write about my adventures to come with college in my near future. For now I'm going to cheese it up and love every moment of being surrounded by my family because I'm not ready to say goodbye.

Celebrating Mediocrity!

Today I heard a wonderful quote..."celebrate mediocrity". While our young generation is encouraged to "shoot for the stars", I think it's the mediocre moments in life that show potential and deserve complete celebration. For example, at this very moment I have by my side a bass guitar. For about the past 2 hours I have been trying to learn how exactly to rock this bass like the kids on School of Rock. The goal was to be an instant star, but i'm not even, well, good. Instead I've found a quick and easy way to get calloused fingers and a sore wrist. BUT I have become something completely new..and mediocre...and in that I am completely satisfied. Shall we celebrate?

I want to go to college

My half days at school continue to seem longer and looonger everyday. I'm usually picking Zoe (my sister's dog) hair off my shirt/jacket 1st hr...2nd hr I doodle...3rd hr I stare at a Spanish speaking teacher and classroom (often i can't even remember the ENGLISH words to "can I get a drink" aka "I need to escape")...4th hr I sit and discover Pryor's new gadgets in the chaos of her corner/desk/shelves...5th hr I simply want to weep. I play cello. love it. but orchestra..the songs can only be described as brutal. One of the pieces is called "Summer" and that only depresses me because I start to dream of summer then look out the windows and see brown slush mush stuff in the parking lot..the remnants of once white flakes falling from the sky.

ALSO, my parents forgot I was in the house this morning and failed to wake me up for school. Just forgot, like poof, I was erased from their memory. I awoke to "Bruce what about Kathryn?" "oh, she's in there (referring to my room)" "Yeah, I know..we didn't get her up!"

My sister is leaving, my parents mentally think I'm gone...so why am I still here?

OH AND have I mentioned i'm going to TRUMAN? Oh man am I excited. I'm pretty sure college is gonna be the shiznit

bucket list

what I shall do with my life...

1. play cello on the streets of Chicago

2. get a henna tattoo and scare my dear father

3. ride down a flight of stairs on a mattress (as seen on princess diaries)

4. write a book...or 2

5. get those books published

6. become organized

7. fall in love...then marry my prince charming

8. move somewhere without a plan

9. foster at least one teen

10. turn the henna into a real tat

11. go to Ireland

12. take a road trip with an RV filled with friends

13. ride a motorcycle

14. go to a ball

15. travel somewhere far, where Jesus has never been mentioned, and tell of who He is

16. dance ridiculously

17. never stop adding to this list

ahh how I love to dream

becoming a barbarian

Around the time I started reading The Barbarian Way, my life started changing. First, I found out that my sister might be moving, which began a big change for my whole family. But, the other change began to happen within me. Because of my decision to go to a secular school next year, I have found a new passion to discover, love, and minister God. A few weeks later I began The Barbarian Way. Throughout the book I feel a message of frustration with the church was relayed due to watered down practices and a “civilized faith”. Immediately I fell in love with the subject because I have dealt with the same frustrations. I have a passion to go into the world, yet have seen the church sit back and watch or ineffectively judge peoples’ hearts. However, I had tried to put all of that aside a couple weeks before reading this book because I felt called to rediscover and respect the value of the church. While a strong message was given to Christians in how to step out of the church and become a barbarian, I heard a different message. I was taught how to become a Christian within the church. The first thing for me to always remember is, “His purpose was to save us not from pain and suffering, but from meaninglessness” (page 31). And because of that I’ve had to repent because I strongly connected to the words on page 109 that read, “we choose political and secular vehicles to try to advance our cultural values, strangely attempting to make unbelieving people act like civilized believers.” So many times I’ve been the person I despise the most. God has called me to be a member of the church so I can reach out. If I’m not within the body of Christ, I have no place to reach out of. My heart has been re-cultivated. I still have a passion for the lost and I feel God has called me to be an active member in evangelizing to a secular crowd. The Barbarian Way has without a doubt called me out of my comfort zone, but instead of being called into the world, I have been called into the church. I want to be a barbaric Christian connected with the barbarians around me.

..just a few thoughts I had. As a challenge to your faith, heart, and mind, I recommend Erwin McManus' The Barbarian Way

a leader being lead

For the past few months I have been helping lead a small group of 7th and 8th grade girls. From day 1 I have loved every moment. Getting to know the girls and seeing their hearts has been a true blessing. Yesterday one of those girls got baptized. She comes from a strong Christian family and has been an obvious leader since I met her. But, when she stepped into the baptistry and I watched the other girls surround her in support, it hit me that all of these young girls have such an impact on each other and the world around them. It immediately became and continues to be my prayer that God reveal his plan to the lives of each and every girl in my group. If I could just get myself out of the way for the hour i'm them every week, God could work in such great ways in all of their lives. Sometimes I worry that I'm not teaching them enough, or spending enough hours preparing for each lesson. But, I was reminded that it's not my words they need to hear, it's God's. I have learned so much from Jr. High girls. I may be the leader, but so often I'm the one being lead in their example. I've found it's not about the age of the individual, it's about her heart lead by Christ. Through that we become brothers and sisters, equally saved by the greatness of God.

welcome home mother dear

When I saw my mom today I immediately showed her this page because she was the one that encouraged me to set up a blog in the first place. I expected excitement, but instead received words of concern. First there was the expected safety concern, which I quickly explained away when I told her no one knows I exist. But then she kept going...said this site could come across as arrogant if people saw it as a page created by me, all about me. That is what brought me to you today. To my world of 2 followers, I warn you, my words are not ones of wisdom that I hope to impose on the world. Even though I could one day potentially talk to many readers, my stepping forward into blogging was an effort of taking one step backward out of the world. This is my escape. For years my room has been filled with pieces of paper where I wrote ideas, stories, prayers, etc. Words have never come out of my mouth as easily as they come out of my fingers. I think if no one ever visited this page I'd be o.k. with that because if nothing else I want to show myself more of who I am. So thank you 2 readers for caring enough to read, but know that I don't expect you to find importance in this. Apart from a chaotic world that daily sucks me into it, it's refreshing to be able to sit down, turn on my music and remember once again who I am.

Take a moment for yourself today...

p.s. On a much lighter, note my song recommendation for the day..My Savior's Love Enduresby JJ Heller. Ohohoh and Where I land by JJ Heller as well. That's a good one. Her myspace link follows with more amazing, uplifting, inspiring music

http://www.myspace.com/jjhellermusic

I'm a blogger?

Exhaustion. After what seems like hours trying to set up a blog for my sister, I'm sitting here attempting yet another "blogspot". I don't exactly have a lot to say and more often than not I will not be as philosophical as most of you. I'm not a hardcore web surfer; I stick to the basics...facebook. When I'm feeling crazy I might look up some Adidas soccer apparel or perhaps a prom dress that I hope to wear in a few short months. Yet, your world fascinates me. So here I am. I'm just an ordinary gal, hoping to relate to an ordinary (or even not-so-ordinary) friend like you.

toodles!